I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
