So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
