I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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