using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
