That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
