Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
