ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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