Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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