So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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