When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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