you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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