Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
