P.S. I can't hear my feet
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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