If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
