Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
