Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
