is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
