I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
