I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
