if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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