We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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