everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
