I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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