Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
