Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
