dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
