Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
