I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
