Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
