he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
