Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
