you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
