Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
