Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just had sex bonerless
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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