Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
