that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
