oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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