My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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