she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
3pm strippers are depressing
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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