Yo dont text me then not text me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
