we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
