I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
