i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
