Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
