Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
