therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
