You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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