just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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