Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
