Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I forgot wine drunk hurts
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
