my mouth tastes like poor choices
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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