hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
