Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
