I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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